Ramblings on the joys of discovery

I was brought up short again this morning at how very fortunate I am to have "my two beautiful children." I have only been able to say that phrase, as is, for four short years and it still chokes me up.

In the process of helping a good friend move, another friend snapped a shot of my daughter, posed in a big, black leather chair. I will steal any photo of her that comes across my path. In this particular photo, her hair is pulled back and her face is in full view. Or should I say their face?

The outstanding resemblance to her older brother, Rich, was like a big knock upside the head. I knew they had the same traits. I saw that much several years ago. But this photo really shows the resemblence between them. Enough so, they could almost be twins. We see a lot of that in our family. LOL!

Anyway, I put together a page of this new photo of Tori, and one of Rich taken the first weekend they met and put them side-by-side. Then added one taken the weekend of Tori and J's handfasting at Oklahoma Renaissance Faire.

I almost wish their "father" could see these pictures. I would love to rub his nose in the fact that, in spite of everything he did, I still found her. I would also like to know why he did it, who helped him, how they accomplished it, etc. Then again, none of us really want him back in our lives, so he'll never know. Not if any of us can help it.

Yeah, Tori's "Bubba" is still a bit weirded out by having a little sister, but he's getting used to it.

For me, it is enough that I have her back and the three of us have such a beautiful family relationship.

I love you two,

da Mama person

Weekend recap 04/15-18/2011

Finally hit the road about 9:30 am on Friday and fought that blasted east wind every time we headed southerly. Laughingly, once we hit Kansas, the wind changed to SW at the same 30-40 mph speed. Poor Cricket went through so much fuel on Friday; she's never had such a fight. Russell and I rolled into Andover in time to snag Tori and the two youngest and have dinner at the Chalet. Thanks, brother mine, for picking up the tab!

Saturday was spent shopping with Tori, Keegan and Anna, while Russell stayed at the house with Justin. They got well acquainted and I think it's a match made between two rough and tumble guys. If J can adapt to Russell's handicaps, I think they'll enjoy some hunting and fishing guy time together. ;) Maybe with Bowen, too.

Saturday evening, Russell had us order pizza for supper. Since we needed to go pick it up, we decided to hit Grove's, too, and picked up a couple of Ace cider 6-packs to go with the pizza. Watched TV, talked, played with the kids, and just had a sweet at-home evening. Sure wish my other kid and his lady could have been with us. Rich and Lisa, we have to plan a trip together!

Sunday, after much debate and so forth, I purchased Tori and I each a Nook Color. We still haven't worked out all the minute details, as we're sharing an account, but I think we'll be fine.

Tiny showed up mid afternoon and then we had a great visit from Vickie, Nick and the kids. I was good to see Vickie and Ceri again, meet her fella, Nick, and the two additions to the family, Nick's kids, Star and Kyle. Tiny wrestled and tusseled with the kids; Tori, Vickie and I talked; Justin, Nick and Russell sat outside and talked and smoked. Nice afternoon and I want more of them!

Tiny decided to take off for home again, after everyone left, via the Chalet, and ended up coming back because he was too toasted to drive home. Yeah, right, I won't see you later. LOL!

I took Tori, Anna, Keegan,Tiny, Russell, Kat, and Davis to dinner at the Asian Super Buffett, and we had a wonderful evening together. I was able to become a bit better acquainted with Kat and Davis, and can't wait to spend more time with them. Tiny headed home from there, Kat and Davis headed home, and we went back to Chez Alexander. Russell watched TV with the kids, Tori and I played with our Nooks, and we had a nice night together.

Russell had a great time with the dogs and the kids and the new friends and wants to go back! Yay! We also talked about him moving down with Al and I, or even before, and I think he will. He likes the area, he loves the kids, and thinks the warmer climate would be good for his aches and pains. I agree! Time to plan the next trip or two down!

That's all for now!

April 10, 2011

A gorgeous morning. I am sitting in my room, window open, coffee and computer at hand, music playing, watching a young squirrel look for tasty bits in the yard. My birds are chattering to be uncovered and the birds outside are relaying the news.

Today will be a good day to go get the cuttings from Mama's forsythia. Time to start my natural fencing and have some of Mama to see every day. Maybe I'll dig up some daffys, too. ;) Not sure about the holly. I deal with enough pricks without adding that to the mix. Yes, it's a good thing to have, but really, aren't the thistles enough?

Time to get off the computer, feed the dogs, grab my "yummy" metal shavings tasting Lean Shake, take my vitamins, and hit the world running. Woot.

12:52 pm
Daffodils dug up, forsythia pruned and soaking in water, containers purchased in which to root forsythia, yummy salad being consumed for lunch, after which I will go out and ready containers to hold soaking and rooting forsythia, then plant daffodils.

It is currently 78 degrees, the windows are open, the fans are on, and it is a lovely day.

4:19 pm
So, the forsythia is all shifted into the new buckets and sitting out in the warm weather. Didn't get the daffodils planted; ran out of steam. Damn this bronchitis, anyway. So, a nap was had and now it is a balmy 82 degrees with storms probably on the way for tonight. Guess I'll be snuggling pupper girls all night again. Oh well, off we go!

9:11 pm
The storms seem to have disipated into thin air and storm percentages keep dropping. Yay! I might get to sleep!

The car is cleaned out, bike rack mounted, and bike on the rack. Yes, I know, it all has to be taken off to load the trunk for the trip this weekend, but my bike tires need air.  I'll do that tomorrow, then offload the rack again until Thursday night.

Taking Mama's bike to Tori so there are enough to go around down there, and Anna has one she can grow into; either Tori's or Mama's. Trying to figure out how to use the bike rack for hauling more down there. Oh well, we'll take a truck load in July.

That's all for now. Gonna go chat with my girl.

The Woman who is Mumsy

I was Jeanne, for a very long time. I am Mumsy.


I was raised in a noisy, happy home, by a woman who was not happy in her life. My Mama married a man who loved his toys, and those toys were both animate and inanimate. There was never enough money because of the motorbikes, the sports cars, the airplanes, and the camping "gear," not to mention what he spent on his girlfriends. I love you Dad, but you were a rake and a cad and you treated my Mama like dirt.

We went to church, Dad's church, and it was all about God and money. I was "asked" to leave Sunday school at the age of ten or eleven because I asked questions the teachers could not or would not answer. Yes, I started questioning Christianity very early. When Mama stopped making us go, I stopped going. Too much did not make sense. How can one book be "the way, the truth, and the light" and not another? Why do we attribute this book as written by "God," when it was written by men?

As my own first marriage continued to deteriorate and become an unhappy place, I started looking for something to bring me peace and a bit of harmony. Happiness was more than I felt I could ask for. One morning, on my way to my park hideaway, I turned into the drive of the RLDS church. I didn't know why then, I do now. I did receive welcome, felt a harmony, and asked Mama to join me one morning. This was the church in which she had been raised and I was the instrument to bring her back. She found her forever home. Me? Not so much. Still too many misfit feelings. While I love the church for what they gave me and what they gave Mama, it was still too "wrong" for me.

The marriage withered, died, and I filed for divorce in 1994. I ran into an "old acquaintance" one night in a favorite pub. He invited me to a Renaissance recruiting party. I put on a "costume" and had a blast. A new friend helped me to put together a decent set of garb and Al and I went to The Des Moines Renaissance Festival. It became our hobby, our home away from home, and we were good at it. The friendship became a romance, and the romance became the love of my life. I was hooked on both the faires and the man, and on September 17, 1995, Alesandre pledged her love and her life to her Aelric as Queen and King of the Des Moines Renaissance Festival.

It was through my friends in the festival circuit that I finally found my true path while researching for a performance. I knew the festival circuit was filled with those following "alternate" paths and did not want to offend anyone with my portrayal of myth and magic. I found my true Home through that research. I was able to finally find my way to my true self. I am an ecclectic Pagan, a first degree Wiccan Priestess, and an ordained multi-faith minister.

Mumsy is the name I was given by one of my daughters in the festival circuit; my Paisley. And from whom Dadu also received his family nickname. Siobhan is still very much a part of our life, though far away now. I miss you, sweetin.

I am still reading, learning and, now, ready to teach what I have learned while still fully a student of the natural spiritual pathways I love so much. And that is where Ruadh Raven Rosmerta begins.

The Mother Becomes The Teacher - Ruadh Raven Rosmerta

Hard-learned lessons in a life of challenges are what have shaped and honed the woman who is now Ruadh Raven Rosmerta. But those lessons have not made me bitter or resentful; they have freed me and given me the wings of joy on which I have chosen to fly.

Life is a rose garden full of beauty and pain. Roses bloom beautifully, but are guarded by thick, sharp thorns. If you cannot bear the pain to pick them, you simply sit and stare at their beauty from a distance, hoping that the breeze will waft the scent to you.

Not for me, thank you. That is not how I want to live my life. Not any longer. I'll grit my teeth, grab the stem, cut the bloom, and enjoy the perfume while I suck the blood from my punctures.

From the ashes of a horrendous marriage, with the help of other wise women, a man who gave me the freedom of a true love, and the discovery of my true selves, I have risen and become, not a Phoenix, but a dragon, a raven, a wolf, a daughter of Athena, Boudicca, Artemis, Demeter, an owl, a wise woman, the heart of my pack, a joyous traveler on this world, a student, a teacher. A woman of many hats, so to speak.

I found sisters, brothers, daughters, sons, other family and friends by allowing myself to suspend disbelief; to know that there are no limits, no bounds. That time is open and unlimited.

I found MY daughter. My Victoria Jeanne. My Tori. Because I was willing to believe the impossible. From acknowledging that discovery, my mind was able to expand, to fill, to grow and fill further still, to begin to fulfill my purpose on this Earth. I am here to teach, but to continue to learn as I do so.

I thank you for the honor you have given me by allowing me to be your teacher. We will go far together.

You are the master of your world.


The impossible does not exist.

Open your mind.

Open your heart.

Let your soul soar.

Learn to fly.

Nature vs Nurture

So which do you believe to be the stronger within you ... NATURE, i.e. your true nature, or NURTURE, i.e. how you have been raised and taught to behave? Let me tell you a story. It's a long story, it is still unfinished, but here it is in abridged form.

My dear sweet Mama was a very nurturing woman who believed in allowing her childrens' true nature to come forth, as long as it was within the limit of the law. We were allowed to follow our own paths and to become the people we were meant to be. Oh, she guided, pushed, and sometimes rubbed our noses in our messes, but never tried to make us something we weren't.

My two middle brothers pushed that to the limit, but this is not about them. This is about my daughter. The biggest surprise of my life.

My daughter was raised by people who were not her parents. She was adopted by them. That's another story for another time but, no, I did not give her away.

You cannot make a sheep out of a wolf. You can teach it not to bite the hand that feeds it, and put a coat of sheep's wool on it but, at some time, it will remember it is a wolf. When it grows skilled enough to care for itself, it will shed that false coat and be gone. Such was the situation with my girl.

Candice searched for her real family for years, trying to find the answers to who she is and why she was thrown away. We stumbled onto one another strictly by accident, through a mutual friend, and a wondrous friendship developed. That friendship soon turned into a mother-daughter relationship we both needed.

It took others to point out to us how much alike we are but, once we realized just how closely our stories matched, we took the steps to find the facts. She is my daughter; the child I was told was a stillborn delivery of twins.

The truth behind her "death" may never be known, but we've won anyway. I have reclaimed my Victoria/Tori, and she has finally found the family she searched for all those years.

My wolf cub has returned to the pack and she is flourishing.


Nature vs nurture? I have my answer.

Bereavement Blog Assignment #3

Exploring the grief process, support, and moving forward.

Q. Which grief metaphor resonates with you? Do you have a different picture of your grief?

A. I have felt them all over the past 3-1/2 years but, lately, find myself in that place of life transition and well-composted soil. 

While I will always miss my dad, Daddy, Mykel, and Mama, and will always grieve for them, I feel the healing and personal growth taking place as I've worked through these past few months.  I feel and welcome the transition from daughter to matriarch of the family. I can find the light through the darkness.

I am growing, I am blooming, and I have been truly and fully blessed and enriched by those who have passed.

Q. What gives you comfort?

A. I am comforted by the memories of those who have gone before me.  I am able to go inside myself and relive or simply remember some very special moments, and I have a treasure trove of photos and other physical reminders from and of those loved ones.

I also have a large and growing circle of family and friends that give me love and comfort when I need it, and know they will receive the same when they need it.

Q. What do you need at this time?

A. Warm, dry weather so I can finish the tasks Mama laid in my lap and fulfill the one wish I have for myself. 

Q. How can you nurture connections with others?

A. By doing what has been given here and in my circle.  Be open, willing to listen, and not be judgmental.

Q. How are you handling stressful situations?

A. By enjoying my life and living it to the fullest. We all have stress. I choose to handle each situation and move on from it.

Q. What coping strategies did your mother model for you? Do you wish to emulate her coping styles and/or do things differently?

A. I do emulate her coping styles. Figure out the problem, figure out how to solve it, solve it, let it go. If it can't be solved, let it go. I am loving, I am strong, and I am wise. And sometimes, crying is the only way to let it go.

Q. What words might your mother say to you with regards to honoring your grief and embracing life?

A. I taught you well.