Nature vs Nurture

So which do you believe to be the stronger within you ... NATURE, i.e. your true nature, or NURTURE, i.e. how you have been raised and taught to behave? Let me tell you a story. It's a long story, it is still unfinished, but here it is in abridged form.

My dear sweet Mama was a very nurturing woman who believed in allowing her childrens' true nature to come forth, as long as it was within the limit of the law. We were allowed to follow our own paths and to become the people we were meant to be. Oh, she guided, pushed, and sometimes rubbed our noses in our messes, but never tried to make us something we weren't.

My two middle brothers pushed that to the limit, but this is not about them. This is about my daughter. The biggest surprise of my life.

My daughter was raised by people who were not her parents. She was adopted by them. That's another story for another time but, no, I did not give her away.

You cannot make a sheep out of a wolf. You can teach it not to bite the hand that feeds it, and put a coat of sheep's wool on it but, at some time, it will remember it is a wolf. When it grows skilled enough to care for itself, it will shed that false coat and be gone. Such was the situation with my girl.

Candice searched for her real family for years, trying to find the answers to who she is and why she was thrown away. We stumbled onto one another strictly by accident, through a mutual friend, and a wondrous friendship developed. That friendship soon turned into a mother-daughter relationship we both needed.

It took others to point out to us how much alike we are but, once we realized just how closely our stories matched, we took the steps to find the facts. She is my daughter; the child I was told was a stillborn delivery of twins.

The truth behind her "death" may never be known, but we've won anyway. I have reclaimed my Victoria/Tori, and she has finally found the family she searched for all those years.

My wolf cub has returned to the pack and she is flourishing.


Nature vs nurture? I have my answer.

Bereavement Blog Assignment #3

Exploring the grief process, support, and moving forward.

Q. Which grief metaphor resonates with you? Do you have a different picture of your grief?

A. I have felt them all over the past 3-1/2 years but, lately, find myself in that place of life transition and well-composted soil. 

While I will always miss my dad, Daddy, Mykel, and Mama, and will always grieve for them, I feel the healing and personal growth taking place as I've worked through these past few months.  I feel and welcome the transition from daughter to matriarch of the family. I can find the light through the darkness.

I am growing, I am blooming, and I have been truly and fully blessed and enriched by those who have passed.

Q. What gives you comfort?

A. I am comforted by the memories of those who have gone before me.  I am able to go inside myself and relive or simply remember some very special moments, and I have a treasure trove of photos and other physical reminders from and of those loved ones.

I also have a large and growing circle of family and friends that give me love and comfort when I need it, and know they will receive the same when they need it.

Q. What do you need at this time?

A. Warm, dry weather so I can finish the tasks Mama laid in my lap and fulfill the one wish I have for myself. 

Q. How can you nurture connections with others?

A. By doing what has been given here and in my circle.  Be open, willing to listen, and not be judgmental.

Q. How are you handling stressful situations?

A. By enjoying my life and living it to the fullest. We all have stress. I choose to handle each situation and move on from it.

Q. What coping strategies did your mother model for you? Do you wish to emulate her coping styles and/or do things differently?

A. I do emulate her coping styles. Figure out the problem, figure out how to solve it, solve it, let it go. If it can't be solved, let it go. I am loving, I am strong, and I am wise. And sometimes, crying is the only way to let it go.

Q. What words might your mother say to you with regards to honoring your grief and embracing life?

A. I taught you well.

Walking Into Target Makes Me Smile

While I'm unclear of the date this actually happened, I do know it happened. 

As Mama's mobility and stamina began to decrease, she began to make use of the motorized carts at our favorite shopping haunts.  Mama loved Target!  Target has class! 

During one afternoon shopping trip, left to her own devices for a while, Mama ventured into the women's clothing area to shop for new jeans and t-shirts. Everything she owned was falling off her because her weight was dropping so swiftly.

Have I mentioned the fact that her reactions were also slowing? No? Well, they were. She pushed the go button on the cart just a bit too long as she headed over to look at jeans and disappeared, face first, cart and all, into the round display rack. And there she got stuck. The cart would not go into reverse, and the post in the middle of the rack prevented her from going forward. She sat there laughing and calling out for help. "Help! I'm stuck! (laugh, laugh, laugh) Came the voice from nowhere. "I'm stuck; help me get this stupid thing out of here! I'm in the jeans!"

I finally located her and helped her to back out of the middle of the jeans, which were now falling off the rack and making quite a mess. The sales clerk finally showed up and we left her to clean that up. Mama and I left Target that day without buying a thing, and went for coffee.  We laughed about Target every time we got together to shop.

I never did leave her alone after that, though. She got into too much trouble.

I miss you, Mama!

Monday, March 21, 2011 - Post Bachhanalia

Saturday night was a much needed release of emotion, crazy behavior, and an overindulgence in alcohol. Dawn and Ryan throw one hell of a party, let me tell you!

There was fire

There was drinking. Waaaaaaaaaay too much drinking! LOL

There were sexy clothes and girl-on-girl action. Yes, that is my hand on Dawn's ass.

There was walking in the cemetary to see the super moon and meet the Dark Angel.

Yes, the moon is there; just not exactly Super Moon quality, eh!



Also found a couple of very nice markers that I want to go back and photograph during the daylight hours.

I was informed that the Dark Angel would haunt me forever. Yeah, sure. People forget who and what I am. There are lots of things that haunt me. Take a number, Miss Thang!

So, my eating habits went out the window and I didn't just fall "off the wagon," I drove the stupid thing over a cliff! LOL! Fortunately, I had the presence of mind to get off before it went over.

Did not drink any more after 12:30 am and left the party in time to get back into Cedar Rapids as the bars closed. It can be a bit unnerving to look in your rearview mirror and see multiple sets of red and blue lights screaming toward your vehicle. 8} Pulled over to the curb and gratefully watched them scream right on past. I could see them stopped up ahead, but turned off at Center Point Road and headed straight on home.  Found out Sunday that there was a huge fight at the Road Ranger station on First Avenue.

Sunday, I moved another bunch of stuff from Mama's house and from ours out to the storage garage. Need to get furniture moved out there before it gets much more full or I won't have room for it.

Note to self: I'm still hungry for pancakes . . .

Saturday, March 19, 2011 Day of the Super Moon

Lovely sleep last night. Woke at about 6:30 am, used the "facilities," crawled back into the loft and slept for two more hours before the puppers decided I was sleeping no more. Note to self: 12 hours of sleep leaves Mumsy energized and ready to rock!

Coffee consumed (working on cup #2 with breakfast), three boxes ready for storage, a Goodwill bag started, and a reminder to self that I need more boxes and tubs to accomplish my plan for the weekend. Now all I have to do is convince the man child that his pickup is needed so I can move some of the furniture into storage. ;) 

More later . . .

See Monday, March 21 blog for further details

March 18, 2011

Mama Luna is really working me up/out this time. Yesterday I was ready to bite the heads off of any one or any thing that even looked at me wrong. Today all I want to do is crawl in a hole and pull the dirt over me. **silent scream** I want to feel like ME again!!!!!!

Tonight, I'm going to Anamosa and rock out with The Buzz and my sissy. If I can't beat the feeling, I'll drown it out with music. Please remind me it's a long way home. Enough, but not too much, vodka.

- edited later in the day -

Scratch the trip to Anamosa. I took the afternoon off (yes, I squandered four precious vacation hours) and spent it pulling all the fabric out of my sewing room and transferring it to the storage garage. As I still have bolts of fabric, I had to purchase one more very long, large tub to put those in, along with patterns and other odds and ends. After two trips and filling one pallet, I'm too tired to go anywhere. Thank you, Dadu, for dinner at The Vernon Inn tonight.

I'm settled in for the night, jammies on, glass of wine at my side, and the dogs cuddled upon my lap.

- end of edit -

Tomorrow night, I'm off to Frary Prairie, a celebration of the equinox, Dora's birthday (that is my little secret) and a time of communion with Mama Luna, a big bonfire, lots of friends, and laughter! Again, moderate consumption of vodka; I still have to drive back to Cedar Rapids.

If I leave Iowa City early enough tomorrow night, I'll probably stop off at Sixth Gear and do a bit more rocking out with The Buzz, Sister T, and some more vodka.

How much vodka can this woman consume before she falls on her face? We may never know. ;)

For now, though, I must try to keep a smile plastered on my face and get through one more work day. **groan** I may just make it a short day and squander a few hours vacation. I think I need some "Mumsy" time.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

I forgot to post about my Seed Starters event at Prairiewoods on Tuesday evening! My wicked!

I really gave my Spring fever a boost! New plantings germinating on top of the refrigerator! Three varieties of tomatoes, two varieties of sweet peppers, lemon and Italian basil, thyme, flat-leafed parsley, two varieties of zinnias, and two varieties of marigolds.

Jill Jones taught us a great deal about starting plants from seeds and Andrea was all over the room, passing out seeds and helping with the proper planting techniques.

We got to get dirty and make a mess and then clean up. Once my little babies start to poke their heads out of the dirt, I'll share my full-spectrum lamp with them so they grow happy, healthy and BIG!