Bereavement Blog Assignment #2

March 14, 2011

Exploring Relationships
- It has been said that parents and children never entirely separate, i.e. that the "cord" between them is never completely severed. What is happening to the bond or attachment with your mother?

While the physical bond is no longer there, the spiritual bond we have will not be broken. I still feel her with me, and hear her guidance in everything I do. Her encouragement to be who I am and make no apologies for it rings loud and clear. She may not like it, but she respects my individuality and always has encouraged that.

- Do you have special sayings, jokes, etc. that grew from your unique family?

There are many, but the two favorites are these:


Mama's favorite cuss phrase, "Well, sheeit!" is one I use frequently and one my daughter has taken on, as well. It started with my Gran and is following the distaff side generation after generation.

Daddy had an uncle who called him Hamilton (his name is Howard), and would ask him to help with his money as he could not see very well. "Hamilton, is this a ten or a twenty?" Daddy being an honest man, would always tell him correctly, where another member of the family would lie and then take the change for himself. If Daddy was handing out money, which he frequently did, we'd tease him, saying, "Hamilton, that's not a twenty, it's a ten." More often than not, he'd hand you another twenty and tease back saying, "Well, then you better have another cause I wouldn't want you to run short." Every one of us would hand him back the second bill and hug or kiss him laughing that Hamilton was a very generous man.

- Was your mother the "glue" of the family? Was she the "heart of the home?" If so, describe how your family was organized around your mother.

Mama was definitely the heart and the hub of our family. She kept track of each one of us and made sure everyone knew what was going on. She planned the vacations and the family celebrations, she pulled the food together for holiday meals and other special occasions. She made sure we all had our special days and we did our best to do the same for her.

I'm not sure how things are going to play out now that she's gone, but I will do what I can to be sure we all stay in touch with each other as much as possible.  I dearly love my brothers and would be sad to lose touch with any one of them. Richard isn't well and I wish he could come "home" so we could take care of him.

- Think about your siblings (or other close family members.) Have you noticed changes in your relationships with them? Has there been a drawing closer or a moving away?

Truthfully, we're growing closer and I love that. Russell and Richard don't talk much, but Russell and I are growing closer by the day and I feel closer to Richard than I have in many, many years. Randy and I have always been pretty close, but I really need his big bear hugs more than I used to. I love "my boys" and want to stay close to them as long as we're here.

My children, Rich and Tori, and their children are so important to me I can hardly stand to be away from them. But, real life being what it is, I have to be happy with the phone calls, text messages, and much too infrequent visits.

We can't always be together, but we can always be close.